Wow, surprise surprise- China helping to prolong the Darfur conflict

May 8, 2007

Although I haven’t looked into it in extreme detail (mostly because I find it endlessly depressing), I have been aware of China’s complicity in Darfur for a few months now. China is a lot more active in Africa than you might think, but it does make sense when you understand just how intense of a pure powerplay this is in terms of Chinese foreign policy. Basically, China is a second-world country emerging as a superpower and has effectively bankrolled America’s spiralling addiction to fiscal deficit and you can see the effects of it here because they use it almost as leverage. America can’t fuck with the Chinese anymore because if they pull the plug (either cash in their holdings or convert to holdings of another currency, the euro for example) America is well and truly fucked and will probably have to invade Venezuela and Alberta just to keep themselves floating into Q4.

You heard it here first.

Meanwhile, back in Darfur, you’ve got janjaweed fighters (the media loves that term because it sounds like it has to do with marijuana, but it actually doesn’t. It would have been a better fit, marketing-wise, if they had been Jamaican) backed up by government soldiers and helicopters, attacking Christian civilians and yeah, I know, you’ve heard the shpiel because you’ve probably watched the Hour.

But what a lot of people don’t know is China’s growing influence in the region and just how interconnected the Chinese are with the Sudanese government in Khartoum. China buys much of Sudan’s oil. Sudan likes Chinese military equipment. Do the math.

Anyways, now we’ve got Amnesty International levelling these accusations against China (and Russia) that they are involved in circumventing a UN arms embargo by shipping weapons, probably through some form in intermediary, to the Sudanese government who, in turn, send them to the militias. Bad news bears if you ask me. Granted, you can’t always believe Amnesty International, but why has China attempted to block sanctions against Sudan? Why has China tried to keep UN Peacekeepers out of Sudan? How can anybody agree with what’s going on there?

Did China get caught with their hand in the pot?

Ask the Janjaweed, they sound like they know something about pot.

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Headlines

May 3, 2007

I am a big fan of newspaper headlines and I’m an even bigger fan of the writers of newspaper headlines deliberately copying each other. Football365 lampoons this brilliantly with their mediawatch section, but I decided to try it myself with a random topic like… say… the French election.

 (backgrounder: the French election is happening shortly and its between a right-wing [but he acts working class] candidate named Sarkozy, the other one is the MILF-like [for a politician, anyway] Segolene Royale who is considered a Socialist. )

Okay, headlines. Let’s see if we notice a trend.
Raw contest ends in a high-scoring draw
Financial Times, UK
As Election Nears, French Duo Fight to a Draw in Last Debate
Deutsche Welle, Germany
Royal takes the battle to Sarkozy
Times Online, UK
Sarkozy, Royal Battle in French Presidential Debate (Update3)
Bloomberg
Sparks fly in fierce Sarkozy, Royal TV debate
CNN
Gloves off in presidential debate
The Australian, Australia
French presidential rivals clash in televised debate
Belfast Telegraph, UK
Candidates Spar Vigorously as French Vote Nears
New York Times, NY
Tempers fray in French presidential debate
Tribune de Genève, Switzerland
Sarkozy, Royal trade insults in TV debate
Financial Times, UK
French presidential rivals debate
MLive.com, MI
French Presidential Rivals Debate
Guardian Unlimited, UK
French presidential rivals debate
Houston Chronicle, TX
decided to try the incendiary headlines, but I like the last three.PS, this one is for Jay Alkana.


Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare (an update)

May 1, 2007

Notice how the Glare has seperated into two distinct parts….
Is there a civil war about to erupt in the conservative party? Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare thinks so, as signified by its apparent split into two seperate entities, each with their own electoral offices.
A deeper analysis
Fig. 1

Notice the harsh left-right split? That’s no coincidence folks, there could be a very good possibility that this not only signifies a split in confidence amongst conservatives on this issue, but also deep within Stockwell Day himself.
The Afghan prisoner abuse scandal (and the conservatives subsequent knowledge and ‘we don’t give a fuck’ reaction to it) could be Stephen Harper’s first really big scandal.
My theory is that we can use Stockwell Day’s forehead glare as a litmus test of the internal stress levels in the Conservative party.

PS: HA-HA


Observations on the Glare off Stockwell Day’s forehead

April 28, 2007

Am I the only person in the known universe to notice that Stockwell Day has the shiniest forehead in Canadian Parliament? In fact, I have a theory that since the conservatives have taken power, Day’s forehead glare has actually gotten bigger. Should the Tories win a majority in the next election, could Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare be given its own portfolio? I wouldn’t discount it.

Observe:
AHHHH!Stockwell’s GlareSee? Again!
And if you’re one of the nine people who watch CPAC, maybe you’ve even got a chance to see the glare in action. 
Bring sunglasses
So, in the spirit of honoring my love for all things political and parliamentary (especially the bright lights) I have decided to figure out what Canada would look like if Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare was finally given a chance to prove itself in the political arena.

My first theory is that the Canadian Flag would have to be changed with immediate effect.
Oh Glareada
And soon after the flag redesign would come a successful Quebec seperatist vote in which Canada’s only French-speaking province would suceed from Canada and unite with Stockwell Day’s forehead glare to form their own nation.
I found this off Google Images….
By and large, it would be similar to today’s Canada. People would be free to do as they pleased and visit the internet sites they wanted to visit. As long as they didn’t go here. Gradually, Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare would gain the acceptance of the majority of the francophone population and would eventually achieve cultural hegemony. Observe:
Star Academie
However, Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare would overstay its welcome when it would invariably attempt to alter the history of the proud people of Quebec.
This didn’t really happen, folks
Having been run out of Quebec (and the political mainstream) Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare would spend its final days in the limelight doing a spoken word tour at universities and finally fade into obscurity while working as a roadie for Great Big Sea.
You can only imagine what it sounds like…. ugh.

So, Stockwell Day, if you are reading this, and you probably are because you and Peter McKay stay up until 3 am googling yourselves; please remember to not let your forehead glare take control. If Canada’s Conservative Party wants to grow and succeed as a political party it must learn to deal with egos, lack of experience, and most importantly- hella bad forehead glare.

Okay, fine… one more.
Yeesh