Nani, Anderson and Cristiano Ronaldo Screwing Up Owen Hargreaves Interview

I just saw this video on Youtube and it totally made me laugh. While, I’m not usually one to just post a cheap vid, fire this bitch up and fast forward it to about 2:15 and watch the piss-take begin.

Video Highlights: Blackburn Draw Manchester United Thanks to Twelfth Man Rob Styles

I’m sitting in the lobby of the Summit hotel in Whistler and I’m laptopless so I’m spending like 2 bucks every 15 minutes to type this out. You bastards are lucky I try this hard. Anyways, I watched the game with my girl over a pint of 9 am lager at the Dubb Linh Gate and while the eggs benedict was solid, the football on display was epicly frustrating.

I seriously cannot believe how many calls went Blackburn’s way. I must have pissed off anybody sittint next to me because I was bitching nonstop during the whole game about how Styles was obviously going Blackburn’s way on pretty much absolutely every call. Really shitty stuff. I can point to at least two clear handballs in the box and that insane kick that Rooney took in the stomach from Steven Reid also happened in the box. People are saying Rooney dived in the game, but I think I’m going to have to go Arsene Wenger on this one and say “I did not see ze incideent.” If it is indeed true, it’s difficult to admit that Rooney dived but he’s gonna have to cut it out if the naysayers are actually correct.

Seriously though, how determined was Rob Styles to ensure that this one went Blackburn (and ultimately Chelsea)’s way. You can tell that he wants to keep things interesting for next week and yeah, now Chelsea are only three points back. I’m gonna have to put a warning out to all chav’s though- United are ending your 100 game unbeaten home streak next week. Mark my fucking words.

Here’s Santa Cruz’s goal. It’s on Youtube which means it likely won’t be online long. If the embedded vids don’t work, you can watch ‘em here at 1000 Goals.

Santa Cruz scored fair and square. It was a quality finish. It seems like Evra and Vidic had a real moment of miscommunication.

And then you have Scholes playing a delightful flick on to Tevez who finished with real quality. Watch the United fan jumping with them after he rushes the pitch. It was likely worth the tackling.

I predict big things against Barcelona midweek. I have a feeling that we’re going to put the tie to bed in the first game. Just you watch.

And Chelsea next week… We’re going to tear you a new asshole.

Video Highlights Compilation: A Tribute to Manchester United’s Ji-Sung Park

You know, I’m willing to admit that in the past I’ve given Park a bit of stick for being “average.” I’m also willing to come right out and admit that I’m completely wrong. In the limited role he has played this season, Ji-Sung park has proven (to me and seemingly the footballing public in general) that he really is a top-drawer player that Manchester United need to hold onto. His first season or two has been dotted with some consistent, yet underwhelming performances set amidst the odd goal or assist. The past few games have seen Park step up and show that while the ante has truly been upped this year at OT in many respects, he has upped the ante for the rest of the team the only way he can- his work rate. We’ve always known that he will go out and run the whole game and never stop, I really didn’t think you could have a higher work rate than Park and yet he’s come out this season and shown (despite injury) that he can raise his game in a similar way that Rooney and Ronaldo have raised their games. They’ve taken what they do best and added a slight tweak to it. Allow me to explain…

Ronaldo was always good at playmaking and running at defenders. This season he’s taken those two incredible qualities and added a further element to it- a striker’s keen eye for goal. He scores goals that a midfielder scores, that a winger scores, and the goals you’d see coming from an old-fashioned center forward.

Rooney is a true English forward, in lieu of a striker. While he’s always been able to score goals, his vision, off-the-ball movement and ability to charge through large groups of defenders (while still retaining possession) are his true calling cards. This season, he’s upped the ante by adding an enhanced ability to set up moves and distribute the ball better in danger areas. His assist tally serves as testament to this and I’m willing to argue that with anybody. Rooney has maintained his usual goalscoring form and has been producing his high-impact physical style on a regular basis, yet he has added a further level of creativity and vision that goes beyond merely doing incredible feats himself. He has helped his other teammates start to score more goals. Ronaldo would not have his sickening strike rate without Wayne Rooney standing in tandem. The two of them are the world’s best footballing duo- bar none.

Seriously- name me two players who strike more terror into the hearts of opposing fans when they’ve caught a team on the break and are charging in at full speed in a 2 on 1 or 2 on 2 scenario.

And so, we come to Park. He hasn’t had a full-season, but he has also added something else to his game this year- exemplified in his recent run of matches. The ability to get behind defenders consistently and play a game-breaking pass. You saw it at Boro and you saw it against Roma. In past seasons he would be closing down defenders in their own half and chasing the ball all over the pitch, but this season he has, quite possibly, perfected a Solksjaer-like ability to be in the right place at the right time- something you can’t really be taught. He has upped the ante along with Rooney, Ronaldo and even the likes of Ferdinand- who has added a steely confidence and you don’t see any of the casualness that used to plague many performances.

I’ve grabbed a few Park videos that I think really point out what I’m talking about in reference to the new dimension he’s added to his bag of footballing tricks.

Here’s one from right in the stands. It’s from last season, and you can see him just spring up in the exactly right spot, without straying offside, and scoring a very Solkjaer like goal to seal this one for United.

This is a sweet compilation of some of his other stuff. It’s cut a bit rough, but it backs up a lot of what I said above. Look at how he just throws himself at opponents.

I like the music on this one. Kidding.

The other nice thing I’ve noticed too is that there’s plenty of videos on youtube of Park signing autographs. Seems like a nice guy.

Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez score as Manchester United pound Wigan 4-0. Check out the highlight video!

Well, Fergie pretty much called it didn’t he? He knew that the floodgates would open eventually (even I’ve been hinting at it) and there we go, the lads go and put four past Wigan, who were absolutely shell-shocked by the end of it. We definitely picked up our share of injuries with Saha calling it quits in the warm-up, Vidic and John O’Shea went off as well. To be honest, I wouldn’t be especially concerned except for possibly O’Shea. Vidic only has a concussion and seriously, how hard is that guy? Do you think a concussion will slow him down for long? we’re lucky it isn’t more serious, but I don’t think its anything Nemanja can’t handle.

So, to the goals.

Tevez’ Goal

Tevez rounded off a really great passing move with one of the most composed finishes I’ve ever seen in my entire life. He’s not known for his pace, but he was certainly able to beat the Wigan defender to the ball and tell me he didn’t one-up Cristiano Ronaldo’s move from last week against Birmingham, not only did Tevez round the keeper (twice), but he also fired past three men. Anderson played a perfect through pass and now I know what people are talking about when they say that Anderson is THE creative midfielder. Cristiano Ronaldo, however, was not to be outdone.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s goal

This one was really more down to Kirkland’s failure to catch the ball than anything else. Ronaldo took it perfectly though, stealthily moving off the ball, somehow knowing exactly where it would land and just pushing it into the back of the net like it was nothing. This goal, coming four minutes after the first, effectively killed off Wigan.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s second goal

This goal was similar to the first in that it was a through ball played to a striker while Wigan was on the run from a counter-attack. However, Rooney drifted out to the left and then hit a spectacular first-time pass to tee up Ronaldo with the easiest of shots. Those two make it look easy and this goal was vaguely reminiscent of their counter-attacking exploits against Everton last year. Personally, I think that goes down as the best counter attacking goal of all time. This one didn’t have the audacious back-heel to turn a freekick into a goal, but it did have a superb pass from Pique to play Rooney into space. Pique and Danny Simpson made big impressions today. I think those guys are ready to move into the side. Over the next few years, expect Simpson to give Wes Brown a run for his money on the right, while Pique looks a solid deputy for the Vidic/Ferdinand cabal.

Wayne Rooney’s goal

This was Danny Simpson’s dream debut, setting up a goal with a Gary Neville-style move. That was a pinpoint cross, he saw Rooney was in space and he played a high, slow ball with just enough backspin right to him. Rooney’s finish was a confident and powerful one and he looked delighted to slot home two in two games.

Think about it, look who scored- the exact people we expect to score. Rooney and Tevez played a full game together and each bagged a goal, Cristiano Ronaldo is now well on his way to topping last year’s 23 goals, which for a winger is absolutely incredible. As our players figure out the best way to incorporate these genuinely outstanding new players we’ve purchased into our existing system, you can only expect that things will get better. I will take Hargreaves being out for a bit early in the season, as he will be fresher later in the season once he’s back to full-fitness. He will be an important player (more important than many people think) in the March/April battles we’ll be facing at the Emirates, Anfield, and probably a few choice locations in Italy or Spain.

I say bring ‘em on.

Chelsea self-destruct as Manchester United beat them 2-0! Check out the highlights!

My oh my! A shambles from the Chavs as Avram Grant’s first game in charge sees Chelsea produce arguably their worst performance since the Ranieri days. Me and my girlfriend both got up early to watch the match (in western Canada, the matches start at 7 or 8 am) and we were definitely not disappointed. It’s unfortunate that so much attention was levied on Mike Dean and his relatively weak officiating because, personally, I thought our lads did an incredible job- especially in the opening 30 minutes. That Pete Gill moron over at Football365 said that Fergie’s comment that our first 30 minutes was the best we’d played all year served as a testament as to just how bad we’d been. Fuck that guy and his gooner-bias. Our defence didn’t concede a shot on target, let alone a goal. Carrick had his best game of the year and he really does bring a different element to our game. A much more complete player than David Beckham ever was, Carrick can play lazer-guided long balls, but can also beat a man and (gasp) defend. Even better, we don’t have to stick this guy out wide- he can play in central midfield.

Tevez got off the mark deep in first-half injury time and he made the chavs pay for some of those sloppy clearances. A diving header right in front of the Stretford End- not a bad way to open your United account eh?

Vidic was absolutely immense and worked well in tandem with Ferdinand again. Rio didn’t have a single calamity moment and his distribution was key throughout the entire match. Ronaldo unsettled Chelsea’s defence, while Rooney would have scored in the 2nd minute against virtually any other keeper in the league except for perhaps Shay Given.

It really must be emphasized what an absolutely shit manager that Avram Grant is. He’s about as qualified to manage in England as I am and every single move he made I called 10 minutes before. Starting with Shevchenko alone up-front indicates that Abramovich wants somebody managing the team that he can influence entirely. There’s no way in the goddamn universe that Andriy Shevchenko can handle Man U’s backline by himself. Starting with Pizarro and Shevchenko would have been much smarter, but we can’t take away the thunder from the Russian contingent can we? Andriy Shevchenko is the biggest waste of money in the history of the Premier League, trumping our own idiotic purchase of Seba Veron.

Saha’s penalty was a penalty. Fact. Yeah, he went to ground easy, but Ben Haim committed a sloppy foul in the box and Saha capitalized. If it was Shevchenko hurling himself to the ground in the 89th minute in the exact same set of circumstances, Chelsea fans would be calling Grant a tactical genius. Or at least texting each other saying “Grnt iz fkin’ brlnt ennit!”

John Terry should have been red-carded as well for attempting to hold down the referee’s arm when he was trying red-card Obi Mikel (karma’s a bitch eh Jon?).

While I am too smart to write off a team after one shitty performance, Chelsea had better shape-up and fast. I always liked Jose Mourinho and I was sad to see him go. Although it may be hard to believe, in January, Roman Abramovich could be saying the exact same thing.

English Premier League Video Highlights Matchday 1 07/08

Yesterday’s (and today’s) Best goals.

Michael Chopra Goal Sunderland vs Tottenham 1-0

Anelka’s goal for Bolton at Newcastle: 3-1 for the Magpies

Man City over West Ham: Geovanni’s goal

Aston Villa sunk by Pool 2-1

Manchester United may not sign Tevez… yet… So, what now?

With the news on the Tevez front getting seemingly more depressing by the day, I can’t help but be the first to ask- what now? Are we even gonna sign the guy? Should we just cut our losses now and try to move for somebody else or are we willing to wait until January or worse, July?

I seriously think Tevez does not want to go back to West Ham and I heard a rumor somewhere that the Hammer’s have already evicted Tevez and the 11 members of his family that live with him from their London hotel and yet the Egg (ert Magnusson) refuses to acknowledge anything about a possible Tevez transfer and it leaves me wondering how much the guy actually knows about football.

Have Man Utd tapped up Tevez inadvertantly? Does this effectively prove Sheffield United’s point that West Ham stayed in the Premiership illegally this term? West Ham insists they own Tevez’s registration and the FA obviously share that opinion, but Kia Joorabchian insists that the deal is going to be done through him and the deal itself is complete. Honestly ask yourself who would know more in this situation- a biscuit-billionaire and his lawyers or Carlos goddamn Tevez and his management people…. I guess what I’m asking is why would Joorabchian and Co. claim to represent Tevez when they don’t (according to West Ham and the FA).  That’s the really sketchy question here…

Man Utd’s people aren’t stupid and they obviously knew who to approach in regards to Tevez’s transfer if you know what I mean.

Does anybody else think that right now there might be a tiny little chance that we might see Paddy Kenny & the rest of the blades back in the Prem next year? I know it’s a long shot, but if this proves that West Ham really never had Tevez’s registration sorted, what would the repercussions be? My guess is either a 30 point points deduction to start the next season or a straight swap with the Blades. How stupid would Neil Warnock look then?

How much would everybody laugh at Craig Bellamy and his Championship-playing-in-ass.

God, so what would happen to Tevez if West Ham got relegated for never having held his registration in the first place, would be even really be eligible for a work permit anymore? Seriously, this thing is extremely onion-like in the peeling off the layers and the stinking and such. But I really do hope Carlos winds up at United, I think he’s just what we need- a proven solo match winner. If he can keep that shitty West Ham squad in the Premership single handedly he can certainly score at least 20 with us next year and obviously he wants to come… His managers want him to come… We all want him at Man U if the deal is above board… It seems like the only people who don’t want to let him leave are West Ham and do you think maybe that’s because they aren’t gonna see any of that 30 million pounds and be out one world-class striker?

Think about it

Complete English Premier League Year in Review (Team by Team, with NEW videos)

Well, it was an eventful and interesting year in the English Premier League and, to be honest, it was exactly what the league needed as the trophy was won by Manchester United’s unique brand of attacking football as opposed to the efficient “do just enough” attitude that won out over the past two seasons, perpetuated by the Cheating Chavs of Chelsea.

Since the Premiership officially ended for the season about 20 minutes ago after a dramatic (and altogether surprising) final day. Check out my team by team review and have a look at some of the video highlights I was able to put together off of Youtube.

ARSENAL

It was definitely an off-year for the Gooners, and while they maintained their obvious goal of Champions League qualification, they saw the reign of King Henry ended as the Premier League’s unequivocally best player. Europe was a disappointment and Henry’s lengthy spell on the sidelines certainly did little to help the Gunners who were effectively out of the race for the Premiership by mid November.
While Arsenal certainly showed glimpses of that incredible 2003-04 team who could pass the ball so well it could undo a girls bra, the likes of Adebayor, Hoyte, and the ineffectual and lackadaisical Alexander Hleb showed just how much Arsenal have given up since those heady pre-Abramavich days when it looked as though they were ascending to the head of the Premiership table. They lack a Pires, a Parlour and definitely a Vieira. Fabregas remains an extremely bright point and the team will likely be built around him for the next few years. Watch out for Armand Traore to make a splash next year as a pacey, attacking left back.

Aston Villa

If I was a claret’s fan, I would be thanking sweet Christ for Martin O’Neill. They started with an excellent run of form and finished with an excellent run of form, the problem was some of the shitty games in the middle. O’Neill was my choice for England manager and I can see him staying at Villa for a long time. Randy Lerner (only British people can appreciate how great a name that is) has bought the club for the right reasons as opposed to the horrible Doug Ellis regime. I truly think Villa fans have reasons to be very optimistic.
One of those reasons is named Agbonlahor. This pacey half-England/half-Nigerian dynamo is going to be a force to be reckoned with in the coming years and Villa would do well to retain his services. Gareth Barry is proven class while Luke Moore is one for the future. Angel and Petrov add much-needed depth to the midfield. I think it would be wise to sell Baros and Sutton, but after so many years service at Celtic, O’Neill won’t sell Sutton on principle despite a shitty total of one goal for the year for England’s forgotten man of the late 1990s. I predict a top 7 finish for Villa next year, taking Bolton’s place in Europe.

Blackburn

More hard-hitting mid-table stuff from the Premiership’s bad boys again this season. After finishing in 10th, Rovers won’t have a European campaign to sap their mid-season strength next year, and you would assume that Mark Hughes will add to the side in the summer. After a few years of playing uglier-than-Bolton football and having kicked a chunk out of the majority of Premiership strikers, you have to raise the question that maybe it is Blackburn’s grit (and they have plenty of it) that keeps them out of the big four and even the big seven. Sure, they are an established Premiership team, but how far can assembling a squad of thugs take you? Surely, they will be in the hunt for Joey Barton, simply so Mark Hughes can probably have the satisfaction of assembling the Premiership’s toughest squad of gits and hardmen you’ve ever seen.
I can see Blackburn finishing in a European spot next year provided they play the right sort of stuff. If you ask me, they need more Gamst Pedersens and less Robbie Savages.

BOLTON
Obviously, the big news is that Big Sam is now officially gone and has left little Sam in his wake. Bolton have qualified for Europe (pipping Reading by a single point), which means they will probably be able to retain Nicholas Anelka- their only real option for goals outside of Kevin Noland and to a (much) lesser extent Ricardo Vaz Te.  I sincerely hope that the BBC finds a more exciting columnist next year as I positively cannot read anymore of Kevin Nolan’s entries about how he watches Scarface and the Godfather series before a match. Yeesh.
The real truth is that Big Sam left Bolton because he felt as though he would never win a trophy there, which is probably true. Bolton must go out of their way to add extra elements to their team in order to keep moving higher and potentially challenge the Big 4. Long-ball tactics can only get you so many wins.

CHARLTON
Three managers in one season is probably a pretty good indication that you are going to be relegated. 07-08 will be the first season that Charlton will spend outside of the top flight and they don’t really have anybody to blame except for themselves. Alan Pardew did what he could with what he had and while it looked like they may have been able to escape the drop at one point, a run of bad results a few weeks ago spelt the end of Charlton’s relatively uneventful Premier League run.
Aside from the Bent boys, there simply aren’t goals coming from anywhere else. The amount of money this team probably paid Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink for his two goals is probably a lot more than I want to know. However, I definitely think there are reasons for optimism in the Charlton camp. They will definitely come back up next year if they hold onto their key players. There are also rumors of a 50 million pound take-over that will probably happen over the summer. This would actually be a tidy piece of business as Charlton are probably one of the few sides who would not require a massive outlay of money. Compare the 50 million to the 850 million reportedly bid for Man U by a Chinese consortium. Should the new deal come through, I think Alan Pardew has a genuine shot at automatic promotion next year. The Premiership will be odd without Charlton Athletic.

CHELSEATo be completely honest, with a tiny touch of luck (and a pronounced lack of Cristiano Ronaldo), Chelsea probably would have taken the Prem again this year. I guess us Man U fans can thank Reading for knocking Cech out of the league for a few months because combined with John Terry’s injury, this was where Chelsea dropped the really crucial points that allowed United to jump out and maintain the lead that they had. On the other hand, you could also say that without Drogba, Chelsea would have been well and truly buried.
I don’t think the arrivals of Ballack and Shevy upset the mix as much as people are saying it did. Certainly, it had an influence on the end result of the season, but it was the lack of January signings (notably some solid defensive cover) that truly did Chelsea in. They have some great players, some really incredible players, but Chelsea’s approach just doesn’t really take advantage of the talent available on offer. Watching the celebrations against Watford when Chelsea scored in the final minute, it was like watching a smart kid celebrate not failing a test. I mean, yeah, you accomplished what you wanted to, but you could be doing so much better. Arjen Robben will move in the summer if he’s smart. Man U would probably take him, but Chelsea wouldn’t sell him to us. He will likely wind up at Bayern for 15 million or Real for 22 million. Mourinho claims there won’t be signings this summer, but I can see more than 2 midfielders leaving Chelsea and I think they will need to sign some marquee players to deliver the goods again next year. And BTW, Shevchenko will be even more crap next year.

EVERTON
More solid performances from David Moyes men means a spot in Europe and more to look forward to from the blue side of Liverpool. Andy Johnson had a successful year and the absence of Tim Cahill did not spell the doom that many thought it would. In James Vaughan, I think Everton have one of England’s brightest young strikers and while I am not exactly an Everton fan, I would have to say that they are the textbook Premiership side. Tough and gritty, but with a real eye for goal and they love to dominate the midfield. Sounds like an English team to me.
While they were effectively laughed out of the Champions League last season, I can see a really good UEFA Cup campaign ahead for Moyes’ men. Arteta is a great player and Anichebe and Vaughan have both signed new deals. Special bonus points go to agent Phil Neville for pretty much delivering the goal that effectively shifted the Premiership in Manchester’s favor. You get the feeling that Gary won’t  be giving silly-billy-Philly anymore Indian burns (English people call them Chinese burns, but that sounds racist. Indian burns sound way better).

FULHAM

Ugh, if there is one team that I can think of that truly should be relegated next year (but most likely won’t-just) it is definitely Fulham. The definition of a lower-table club, I am starting to wonder if Al-Fayed’s ownership of the club, and relative lack of ambition, could be what is really holding the club back. Since Chris Coleman departed and Dirty Sanchez has taken over, I am hoping that they go down next year.
How many more half-empty stadiums do they need? It’s not like Fulham’s fans don’t have the money to show up, but seriously, I would not pay to watch that team play. I don’t even watch Fulham on TV unless they’re playing Man U. Boring, boring, boring and there is only so many times Brian McBride will split his face open for your team. Fulham either need about 20 million dollars worth of decent players, or I could see a pronounced spell in the Championship being the only alternative. Look at this years table and see just how close they came to being relegated.

LIVERPOOL

‘Pool could definitely still take it in Europe. They’ve had Milan’s number before (I will never forget ‘that night in Istanbul’ and I was watching on the Soccernet Game Cast) but I genuinely think Liverpool can take them. ‘Pools specialty is Europe. Rafa Benitez is probably the most accomplished tactician in European football- how else can you account for Pool winning in Europe against teams that dominate them in the English league? Personally, I think Benitez’ tactics and team selection play out much better over two legs than 38 games and this is why I don’t think they will challenge for the Premiership next year, although I tip them to finish 3rd.
My girlfriend’s favourite player, Peter Crouch, had a really solid season for ‘Pool this year and I can guarantee that they will hang onto him for the next few years. He is simply too hard to play against, but his only real drawback is that European refs call way too many fouls on him simply because he is a large presence and looks like he is fouling somebody when he is merely standing next to them. Dirk Kuyt has proven a solid buy and I predict that he will break 20 goals next year. The real interesting battle for next season is in central midfield with Xabi Alonso, Gerrard, Mascherano, and Sissoko battling it out with ‘Pools next likely arrival, Brazilian golden-boot winner Lucas Leiva. He’s a Makelele-style box-to-box midfielder who happened to score more goals than anybody else in Brazilian football-coming out of midfield. If he can translate that form to England or Europe, Benitez will have engineered another tactical masterstroke. BTW, Dudek will sign for one of next year’s promoted teams- you heard it here first.

MANCHESTER CITY

Another banner year for the boys at Citeh, they won nothing and got in a lot of fights with each other, finishing 14th in the process. Stuart Pearce and his stuffed toys are probably done with as City manager and I suspect Chris Coleman will probably step in. There is not much to be excited about for City, but I do not see relegation trouble next season. However, they definitely need players, especially a creative midfielder and a young, ambitious striker. Joey Barton is leaving after fisticuffs that left Ousmane Dabo looking like the elephant man, and the fact that he is leaving is not a good thing for City. While, you certainly can’t keep a player like that after what he did, Barton was City’s only real decent player with more than 2 or 3 good years left in him (I’m talking about you, Mpenza).
Michael Ball’s stamping thuggery is disgraceful and I think he is symptomatic of the negative culture at City. There are rumors of a take-over and I think this remains City’s best real option to turn around their tepid brand of football.

MANCHESTER UNITED
Glory, glory Man United! We managed to hold on for most of the season and we won plenty of games we shouldn’t have, which unfortunately is a trademark of English Premiership Champions. Our first Van Nistelrooy-less year saw no lack of goals and, in fact, I think it solidified the leaders of a new generation of English football- Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo. They both finished the season with 23 goals apiece and did it with pace, power, and plenty of precision.
Face the facts, people- Ronaldo is an incredible talent, with more flair packed into those two legs than you’ll find in the entire continent of Asia. He truly is the new David Beckham, in terms of marketability, but it is his approach on the pitch that truly makes the difference. Becks was (and some say still is) the best crosser of the ball in English football, and while him and Ronaldo share a position and jersey number, Ronaldo takes an entirely different approach to the game. He is at his best when he is not only running at defenders, but running at an entire team. Becks, still to this day, cannot beat a man. Ronaldo will take on all comers and the petulance and immaturity that plagued his game a few seasons ago is completely gone. He is the future of football. He is only 21. Wayne Rooney, my favourite player, plays an inspired brand of attacking football built on a complete and total lack of fear. Rooney will take on anybody and has that British-bulldog build, but combines it with an incredible amount of fitness. I think it was Robbo who said that “Rooney reminds me of the lads they used to haul out of the coal mines to bowl fast for England.” Absolutely fucking spot on!
Look at Man U’s list of goal scorers for the year and you will see why they won the Premiership. They had 20 different goal scorers this year and every single defender has scored at least once. With goals flying in from all directions and Roo and Ron’s Mancunian roadshow ripping defences in half, you can bet that will be right back up there again next year. If you ask me, Vidic and Evra were integral ingredients in Man U’s successful season and the fact that Fergie actually bought some proper squad players meant the difference in the long run. No more Veron’s, Bellions, Djemba-Djembas, and the infamous Kleberson. We’ve got pace, quality, and the two most marketable people in English football. Up the Mancs!

MIDDLESBROUGH
Gareth Southgate’s first season in charge saw them finish a mere 8 points off relegation, despite the fact that they were never in serious danger of being relegated. I think Southgate will grow as a manager and with the permanent addition of Jonathan Woodgate, I think they will finish mid-table again next year and that is precisely the problem.
Middlesbrough play with hitmen. The majority of their players are older and have played for other teams for most of their careers. Viduka has been solid, but is just getting too fat, while Yakubu is the Premiership’s quintessential “good but not great” player and say what you will, but Stewart Downing is not international class. More dimensions and more depth are what Middlesbrough need to add, and quickly.

NEWCASTLE

Not a great year for the magpies, but if they can hold onto Michael Owen, Scott Parker, and Taylor, I think they will finish in arguably the same spot next year. Shay Given should be given a medal for sticking with this team’s defence for this long because anybody playing behind this crew had better be good. Obafemi Martins had a solid season and looks the business in English football, but if Newcastle keep shipping goals like this, they won’t have much opportunity to gain ground.
It looks like Big Sam is moving to Newcastle to win trophies. He had better be given a significant war-chest to buy players because this is simply not a trophy-wnning side. Holding on to key players while bringing the right faces will be Big Sam’s first big job.

POMPEY

Remeber when Portsmouth were challenging for a Champions League spot early in the season? Their 9th place finish leaves them just outside of Europe, but with plenty to hope for next year. I think the real key to their success this season has been the unbelievable solidity of their backline led by Sol Campbell, but marshalled superbly by Linvoy Primus. Primus is not a quick player (he doesn’t even look to be in terribly good shape) but he is unbelievably effective most of the time and watching him stifle Man U earned me a lot of respect for the man. David James must go down as their player of the season.
‘Arry Redknapp’s men can definitely build on their success and I see more great things from Pompey, but I do not see them challenging for a European spot without some seriously flair-based reinforcements.

READING

This season’s surprise outfit saw them just miss out on a place in Europe by one measly point. Probably for the best, because their manager, Steve Coppell, claimed that if they did qualify for the UEFA Cup, they would field a weakened team each time because they plan to focus on England. I can understand where Coppell has come from with this, but it shows that he completely misunderstands high-level footabll. Yes, England should be your priority, but playing in Europe is a privelege that should be cherished. It means more money, better players, and more games for the fans. A team benefits from European football, but it makes a manager’s job harder. What does this say about Coppell?
I like Reading because they come at you and give you a game. Not many of these players looked out of sorts in the top flight and you can already assume that some teams are looking to poach some of Readings bigger names, Steve Sidwell in particular. Hopefully, Reading do not make the mistake of thinking they can sign a bunch of Championship players to compete in next year’s Premier League. Reading could use a central defender, a pacey winger, and a solid center forward to ensure a European place next year.

SHEFFIELD UNITEDI was honestly surprised to see the Blades go down today, as I’m sure many other people were. I thought Neil Warnock’s men were always a bit out of their depth in the Premier League, but they looked as though they could retain their status based on guile alone. Phil Jagielka and Rob Hulse proved that they are Premiership class and could be purchased this summer (I see Everton or Newcastle coming in for either).
In the end, they just couldn’t find that last goal, and no amount of Warnock’s shouting could do so. I will miss his honesty and his presence on the touchline next year. I hope Sheffield are back soon, but with another decent striker.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
You probably wouldn’t have gotten good odds on Spurs finishing 5th. They are England’s 5th best team and they play exactly like that. Not good enough for the Champions League, but they definitely are showing promise. Berbatov has proven to be a great buy, but just because he himself has scored a bunch of goals, but because he has single-handedly revitalized Robbie Keane into a goalscoring machine once-again. Selling Carrick proved to be a big loss in central midfield, but I think Jol will make a few key signings this summer and solidify things.
If they can hold onto Berbatov and Arsenal play shitty next year, Spurs have a genuine chance to break into the Top 4.

WATFORD
With the exception of Ben Foster, there is nothing about this team of note, other than the fact that Danny Shittu has a funny sounding name that almost describes how they played this year. I think Aidy Boothroyd is a talented manager, but Watford are simply not a Premiership squad, at this point. They have a great set of fans though. 
I hope Watford bring in some better players and better tactics, but I think their current set-up will dominate the Championship, but fall apart under Premiership competition.

WEST HAM UNITED

Wow! The man at the center of the controversy proves to be the deciding factor of the past few weeks as Carlos Tevez officially answered the critics and single-handedly kept West Ham in the Premier League for another year. The 5.5 million pound fine handed out for signing him illegally means peanuts compared to the 30 million in TV revenues the (very) Happy Hammers will get for next years broadcast rights. I also suspect that there was a few relegation release clauses built into some of the contracts of their mid-season signings and that would have spelled serious trouble if they had have gone down.
Alan Curbishly should not be managing a team in the Championship. Tevez will most likely not be there next year, so Curbs will have to bring in the right people to clear out the “baby Bentley” culture at the club. Anton Ferdinand should be shipped to MLS (since he seems to like vacationing there so much) and with the absence of Tevez, they need a proven goalscorer, hopefully Dean Ashton will be fit for more than 2 games next year.
West Ham got lucky this year, they will need to make sure that they don’t make the same mistakes the next time around. I will admit that the Premier League should have West Ham involved.

WIGAN

Double-wow. I thought Paul Jewell’s side were dead and buried, but some last day heroics saw the team with the most to do, get ‘er done. Wigan is not really a football town and hopefully they will not have another season of half-empty stadiums. Paul Jewell is a fairly good manager and Dave Whelan, though he is a bit of an arse, seems genuinely committed to building a great football side. The best place to start would be to buy some decent football players. Emile Heskey will do well for a side that just avoided relegation, but not much else. They need a serious investment in players and some excitement in the city to get some asses in the seats.
I do not think much will come of the legal threat against West Ham. I think that Wigan would have put up the biggest fight had they been relegated and I don’t think the courts will side with Sheffield because if they won, they would have stayed up. Should you take somebody to court because another team is man-marking Rob Hulse? Seriously…

Well, that’s it. A great season. I’m looking forward to the next and I think it will be jam-packed with excitement. I can’t wait to see what new players are coming to the world’s best league next year and I am looking forward to another Man U/Chelsea showdown at the top of the table. Football is a special thing and only now when I don’t have it for a few months, do I realize just how important it is to me. In Vancouver, English Premier League matches are shown at 5:30-9 in the morning. I usually have more excitement in my day by 6:30 am, than some people get all week. I will be front and center again next year. See you then.

Mexico = sketchiest?

MEXICO PERILOUS FOR CANADIANS

So, another Canadian gets his ass kicked or “falls out of a window” while vacationing in Mexico. Remember those two people from Ontario who got stabbed to death in what was obviously a botched robbery in Mexico two years ago while they were attending their kids wedding? Well, apparently there’s plenty more and a new article in the Toronto Star says that more Canadians report being assaulted in Mexico than any other country. While I hope you click the link and read the damn article yourself, check out these relatively surprising facts (I’m hard to surprise at 8 in the morning).

A total of 1,133 Canadian travellers reported to Canadian authorities they were assaulted on foreign soil between the years 2000 and 2006. Of those, Mexico leads the list with 173 reported assault cases. China was next with 105 and Cuba with 62. Thailand was fourth with 45 and the United States followed with 40.

The United States with 40? Think about how many Canadians visit the States every year and only 40 assaults are reported? I thought Americans were violent… Think about the Canadians who travel to Cuba- it’s more package holidays than beer-fueled fratboy mayhem, but there is still 22 more assaults on Canadians in Cuba than in the whole of the United States? Either we have our stereotypes wrong about Americans, or those numbers are fucked.

Apparently, China has the most assaults on Canadians per capita with 10 occuring for every hundred thousand visitors, where Mexico comes in as 2-3 for every hundred thousand. But I still can’t get over that American statistic.

I know a guy who was backpacking through Mexico and got jacked by some local toughs when he was trying to score drugs. They took all his money, all of his cards, all of his valuable shit. He called his parents and got them to send him some more money and the next day, the same guys robbed him again. That fuckin’ sucks, but I guess that’s Mexico for you.

I have another friend who has had drugs planted on him by cops in Tijuana not once, but twice! The second time is quite a story because the cop couldn’t speak English, and they’d planted a bag of weed in this dude’s bag and were yelling at him in extremely broken (no, shattered English) about how much trouble he was in. The guy he was travelling with spoke good Spanish and was trying to reason with the cops and tell them there was no reason to mess with this guy. The whole time though, the dude I know is yelling at the cops and saying that he’s already fucked their sisters and their moms and that he shit in their pueblos and stuff and just generally laughing at them (pretty unflappable when getting faced with Mexican jail). He wound up getting away and somehow he took the weed too. That’s a pretty good Mexico story, but not many Canadians come out on top down there. Especially ones who can’t handle their booze.

It’s like any tourist place- if you were a Mexican who got sick of drunk shitty jocks drinking and barfing and grabbing your girlfriend’s ass, you’d probably start a few fights too. Eventually (because that’s about 75% of the people who travel to Mexico)  you would start to lump everybody in with these idiots and all Canadians and Americans would all look the same, just give them a baseball hat and some theory of a deadman lyrics.