Chelsea self-destruct as Manchester United beat them 2-0! Check out the highlights!

My oh my! A shambles from the Chavs as Avram Grant’s first game in charge sees Chelsea produce arguably their worst performance since the Ranieri days. Me and my girlfriend both got up early to watch the match (in western Canada, the matches start at 7 or 8 am) and we were definitely not disappointed. It’s unfortunate that so much attention was levied on Mike Dean and his relatively weak officiating because, personally, I thought our lads did an incredible job- especially in the opening 30 minutes. That Pete Gill moron over at Football365 said that Fergie’s comment that our first 30 minutes was the best we’d played all year served as a testament as to just how bad we’d been. Fuck that guy and his gooner-bias. Our defence didn’t concede a shot on target, let alone a goal. Carrick had his best game of the year and he really does bring a different element to our game. A much more complete player than David Beckham ever was, Carrick can play lazer-guided long balls, but can also beat a man and (gasp) defend. Even better, we don’t have to stick this guy out wide- he can play in central midfield.

Tevez got off the mark deep in first-half injury time and he made the chavs pay for some of those sloppy clearances. A diving header right in front of the Stretford End- not a bad way to open your United account eh?

Vidic was absolutely immense and worked well in tandem with Ferdinand again. Rio didn’t have a single calamity moment and his distribution was key throughout the entire match. Ronaldo unsettled Chelsea’s defence, while Rooney would have scored in the 2nd minute against virtually any other keeper in the league except for perhaps Shay Given.

It really must be emphasized what an absolutely shit manager that Avram Grant is. He’s about as qualified to manage in England as I am and every single move he made I called 10 minutes before. Starting with Shevchenko alone up-front indicates that Abramovich wants somebody managing the team that he can influence entirely. There’s no way in the goddamn universe that Andriy Shevchenko can handle Man U’s backline by himself. Starting with Pizarro and Shevchenko would have been much smarter, but we can’t take away the thunder from the Russian contingent can we? Andriy Shevchenko is the biggest waste of money in the history of the Premier League, trumping our own idiotic purchase of Seba Veron.

Saha’s penalty was a penalty. Fact. Yeah, he went to ground easy, but Ben Haim committed a sloppy foul in the box and Saha capitalized. If it was Shevchenko hurling himself to the ground in the 89th minute in the exact same set of circumstances, Chelsea fans would be calling Grant a tactical genius. Or at least texting each other saying “Grnt iz fkin’ brlnt ennit!”

John Terry should have been red-carded as well for attempting to hold down the referee’s arm when he was trying red-card Obi Mikel (karma’s a bitch eh Jon?).

While I am too smart to write off a team after one shitty performance, Chelsea had better shape-up and fast. I always liked Jose Mourinho and I was sad to see him go. Although it may be hard to believe, in January, Roman Abramovich could be saying the exact same thing.

Andrew Rideout’s video guide to prank calls online

Here’s probably one of the best ones I’ve seen in a while. I’ve noticed that online video prank calls tend to work very well when you’re calling up a radio call-in show that’s broadcast on TV. Listen to what T-Dawg has to say on this religious call-in show.

Here’s another classic. This guy gets a few prank calls in a row. How bad is this?

What is it about religious call-in shows that invite prank calls?

Fistfight breaks out at a Boston Pops concert (we got the video)

The Boston Pops are a really high-profile orchestra and this was supposed to be the debut night of their season. After a “shush” gone wrong, a full on toupee-grabbing brawl broke out right in the balcony, they had to stop the show and everything. Check it out.

Am I the one who said Americans may not be as violent as we thought. Yeah, I take it all back. If there’s full-on fistfights breaking out at a goddamn Boston pops concert, what’s next- knifefights in church?

Yeesh.

Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare (an update)

Is there a civil war about to erupt in the conservative party? Stockwell Day’s Forehead Glare thinks so, as signified by its apparent split into two seperate entities, each with their own electoral offices.

Fig. 1

Notice the harsh left-right split? That’s no coincidence folks, there could be a very good possibility that this not only signifies a split in confidence amongst conservatives on this issue, but also deep within Stockwell Day himself.
The Afghan prisoner abuse scandal (and the conservatives subsequent knowledge and ‘we don’t give a fuck’ reaction to it) could be Stephen Harper’s first really big scandal.
My theory is that we can use Stockwell Day’s forehead glare as a litmus test of the internal stress levels in the Conservative party.

PS: HA-HA

No more Block Parents

Today’s “Ha-Ha” File reads as such:

No more Block Parents – Globe and Mail
(Good Excerpt)
“For more than 30 years, John Whitefoot has hung a Block Parent sign in the window of his Cambridge, Ont., home. In all that time, only one child has knocked on his door. “And the kid just wanted a drink of water,” Mr. Whitefoot says, chuckling. “I don’t think the kids really look for the sign.”

Daniel Baldwin cleared of cartheft - Backstage.com
“Word that he was cleared of car theft charges came the same day that older brother Alec appeared on the daytime TV talk show “The View” to apologize for calling his 11-year-old daughter a “thoughtless little pig” in a voice-mail message that was posted on the Internet last week.”

George Bush must be happy – Reuters
“Leader of Al Qaida in Iraq was reportedly killed by Sunni Tribesmen. The Sunnis are supposed to be the ones working with Al Qaida (as opposed to the Shiites), could this be a sign that the Sunnis have had it up to mufti with Al Qaida’s year 1289 bullshit?”